I have many things to thank my friend Natalie for. She’s fun, witty, caring and kind. But above all these things: she introduced me to Charlie Brooker’s column in the Guardian.
I was always aware of Charlie Brooker. When people mentioned him, I knew the correct response should be, ‘He’s hilarious! Especially his Glastonbury article,’ praying they didn’t expect me to elaborate. Even though I bought the Guardian every Monday, Charlie’s column was always neglected in a desperate rush to throw open the media section and find the job of my dreams. I’m not entirely sure what the job of my dreams would be. I think the advert would go along the lines of:
“JENNI! WE NEED YOU!
Are you Jenni? Because we’re looking for a Jenni to do Jenni-like work for £100k pa.
15hrs p/w. Flexitime. With benefits. And a car.”
On the off chance that you see an advert like that, please let me know. But ever since Natalie sang Charlie’s praises I’ve been hooked and I started a love affair with Brooker. (He’s completely unaware of it. It’s more of a stalk than an affair. ) I’ve become addicted to his screenwipe series (as equally funny as the column) and the very un-funny Dead Set series.
Talking (or typing) of which, romance is the subject of his column this week.
“…authentic romance has been in short supply of late. Authentic romances makes life more enjoyable, but more importantly it costs nothing. Buying flowers and baubles and Parisian city breaks – that’s not authentic romance. That’s lazy showboating. Authentic romance could flourish in a skip. Prove this to yourself. Invite someone on a date and spend the evening sitting in a skip making each other laugh with limericks or something. Get through that and you’ve bonded for life. Or maybe a week. It’s hard to tell when you embark on a new relationship. Still, if you split up: time for more romance with someone else. Everybody wins.”
Mwah ha ha. He’s so funny.
And so true! For me anyway, my best relationships have been the ones where no matter how shitty the situation, you can still find the person you’re with vaguely attractive. With my first boyfriend, I knew we were on to a good thing when we went to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. We were in line to go to an Amnesty International gig and our two tiny teenage faces couldn’t hold their excitement - for the first half hour. But as time slowly dragged on, the crowd grew weary, desperate to rest their tired feet and inebriated bodies. Me and my fella were fine, though. It didn’t matter how cold it got, or how long we had to wait – we had a back up. We had two-people charades! Now, we all know that charades is dire at the best of time, but when there are only two of you - so that you’re forced to work on the same team and therefore scoring and competition is obsolete, it ain’t that much better. But, to quote the lesser-known version of Kipling’s poem, if you can wait in the cold for hours and still find a mime to Free Willy funny then you’re in love, my son.
We had a similar experience at Reading festival where we awoke to find that one of my boyfriend’s trainers had been stolen. I stifled a giggle. But he was not impressed. He just couldn’t see the funny side – weird. So as he begrudgingly squelched his feet into his spare pair of damp shoes we packed our tent and waved goodbye to the mud. Waiting for a ride home we spotted a fire in the distance and decided to huddle around it, savouring the last minutes of hippy-dom. Holding hands, and fighting the urge to sing “ging-gang-goo” we saw a shape emerge between the flames. “That’s my shoe!” my fella screamed. “My f***ing shoe!” We looked at each other. We looked at the shoe. My boyfriend, resigned to his toasted trainer, looked at me once more and smiled. “My shoe.” I smiled back.
More specifically, Charlie’s article was about how a bit of romance and old fashioned good will is what’s going to get us through what is set to be a slightly dim 2009 (even though I’ve made it an aim to make it the best year yet.) So take the good man’s advice and “share a meal with a neighbour. Or maybe a bath. A bubble bath.”
And as for Charlie himself, I can now say with complete authority: He’s hilarious! Especially his Glastonbury article.
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